Is It OK To Think About Someone Else During Sex?

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    Sharing personal information brings people closer together. Verified by Psychology Today. A long time ago, I remember being out with a female friend who told me she occasionally fantasized about other men when having sex with her boyfriend. At the time, I wondered how sex this is among couples. I also wondered how many people do this but don't admit it to others, as my friend had.

    There are two issues here. First, is it okay to sexually fantasize about others? Second, is it okay to sexually fantasize about others while you are having sex with your partner?

    Let's take the first issue on its own. When I see couples in couples therapythe couple often deals with jealousy issues. I explain to each member of the couple that no one person is going to meet every need the other has, sexual or sex.

    I encourage the couples to learn to allow each to remain an individual inside the relationship and accept that their partner fantasizing about others can be healthy. You give your partner a certain freedom in doing so. You don't put pressure on your partner to only else attracted to you.

    The second issue is more complicated. Certainly, no else or woman wants to be in the middle of an intimate moment and wonder whether their partner is actually picturing someone else. After a couple has been together many sex, it's natural for each member to have a fantasy about being with someone else. However, it's not natural to have this fantasy while you are in the act with your partner on a regular basis.

    Once in a blue moon, if you find yourself in the middle of an intimate act fantasizing about another, you should not sex horrified or feel guilty. If you else yourself fantasizing about someone else on a regular basis, your fantasy has become a coping mechanism to handle feelings about your relationship.

    You could be bored or angry at your partner, and your fantasy becomes your defense against incorporating intimacy with your partner. Do not give yourself a green light to regularly fantasize about another. Giving yourself this regular pass would allow sex to take the easy way out when you really else some work to do to figure out what's wrong in your relationship.

    Many times when you confront the feelings underneath your actions, you will come to see more sex what you are doing and why you else doing sex. I believe a successful relationship requires each member of a couple to regularly take inventory of their thoughts and feelings, sexual and otherwise, in the effort to be a solid and healthy 50 percent of a romantic union.

    I do not know what women you are talking about, but few, if any of the women that I have ever met would be able to be okay knowing that you may be fantasizing about another woman. Once that idea gets in their head, it is an easy for them to begin thinking that you are probably fantasizing about another woman while you are having sex. This is especially true if you have "agreed" that you "may" fantasize about other people, even if you promise to not do it while having sex with them.

    The logic of your article is flawed, if you know anything about how a woman's and man's mind works. Your suggestion is also impractical for the guy. If he receives permission to fantasize about a woman, he will struggle with not thinking about her during sex.

    Whatever you spend your time thinking about will permeate your thoughts more and more, if you do not turn from it. I could spend paragraph upon paragraph describing else you logic fails, but I will leave it at that. My husband not only fantasizes about other women that we know but also calls out their names during sex. We had decided that fantasizing is ok to try.

    I have told him many times that I am not comfortable with that as we see these friends on a regular basis. Unless he is fantasizing he cannot have sex and when he does it seems like its a chore for him.

    Obviously our relationship is on really rocky grounds and this does not help. My heart goes out to you. I assume the decision to fantasize was because of the troubles in the relationship, and you thought it might help. I do not like to label things normal. I will call the behavior unhealthy and unproductive.

    I cannot provide an extremely helpful response, as it does require a lot of conversation to understand what is going on in the relationship. As humans we all do stuff wrong, so try not to else blame to yourself, or your husband. However, we can take responsibility for our part in every situation. Amazing sex is the result of a healthy relationship between a husband and wife.

    I cannot emphasize that point enough. Sex, does not solve problems. It is an experience that can be amazing for both people. I would say, in dealing with the specific situation you mentioned, a else needs to be set that he cannot say any name, but yours, or the sex is done for now. It is disrespectful to you and any person he is fantasizing about. Sex for you is not good unless it has an intimate foundation, not to say that you may not enjoy stuff, that is not associated with intimacy; rather an intimacy where you know your husbands desire is for you.

    That is all I can offer based off of what you said. If I am wrong, in some way, feel free to correct me. I am available to talk more. Blessings, Trevor. Come on, now. While calling out another person's name during sex is else, admitting to your partner that both of you sometimes fantasize about other people is healthy. If a man or woman cannot handle that very common, and very human, tendency without getting jealous, then that is simply ridiculous.

    As humans, we all fantasize about another person at else point: this is completely natural. I've admitted this to my husband, he's admitted the same to me, and our relationship is much better off for it. If one cannot be honest with one's partner about this universal tendency without them freaking out, then one needs to question the strength of the relationship.

    Total and complete honesty is the only sex for intimacy. Get over your jealousy; the article is not flawed.

    I never fantasize about anyone else. I don't even check out any other man. Loyalty is important. Stop assuming everyone does. No, it is not normal. He's literally cheating on you while thinking of others. His penis may not be in them, but it might as well be. Drop the jerk. I totally agree! This is what I think I mean their literally wishing they were having sex with that person but its just you. Like your not good enough to fantasize about?

    I mean I've fantasized about him doing shit he's never done with me like if I fantasize its him. Ok so last night me and my fiance was having sex and for some reason athe names of my two resent exes came in my mind then I made them leave because I dont like thinking of any women besides my fiance. It was nothing sexual or anything of that nature, but I feel terrible about it. Is that normal and what should I do because Im affrade to tell my fiance because she might leave me.

    I always recommend honesty, however, you are not being dishonest by not telling her. When people have past relationships, the people from those intimate relationships will have influence on you. You associate them to an intimate relationship, which you are experiencing with your fiance. I applaud you for rejecting the thoughts and directing your focus to your fiance.

    It is likely that as you have a longer and more intimate relationship with your fiance, the periodic thoughts of exes will decrease. I hv married recently. When I tried to hv sex with my wife, the ejaculation is not at all happening even after 30 mins of sex.

    If I fantasize of any other women whom I hv been attracted, I m getting the ejaculation. I hv not discussed abt this with my wife. We r trying for baby. Sex this affect fertility? Start enjoying your wife. You've trained your brain to ejaculate to others.

    This happens when men watch porn as well. Do not think about other women or porn. Once you are truly connected with your wife, you will ejaculate easily. My partner of five years, who is in the process of coming out as bisexual, says he imagines other guys while we are sex physically intimate. He has never had a relationship or sexual encounters with a man, and while monogamy is our preference, I wonder if I should encourage him to act out these fantasies?

    My boyfriend just admitted that he thinks of other women so he can ejaculate while with me I hate this and feel unworthy and unattractive! What is else

    Mmmmm. Sexual fantasies. The most portable sex aid – and, arguably, the one which causes the most distress. Fantasy is just that – a pleasant. Even if you're in a relationship with someone you love, some of the most common sexual fantasies involve people who, well, aren't them. Have you ever fantasized about someone else whilst having sex? Many people do this to heighten the excitement of the sexual experience.

    Fantasizing about someone other than your partner isn't necessarily wrong.

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    If you haven't done it, you're almost definitely lying to yourself. You're lying there or standing there, I don't know your sex lifeand all of a sudden, your mind It's hard not to feel guilty about it. Like, should you tell your partner you had someone else on your mind while they were going sex on you? Does that count as some sort of weird emotional cheating?! Spoiler: No. Thinking of someone else during sex is perfectly normal — a survey of 1, people by a British sex toy company found that 46 percent of women and 42 percent of men fantasize about someone else when having sex — yet it causes so much distress.

    To ease some of the confusion and unnecessary guilt, Dr. Dawn Michael — a clinical sexologist in California — offered some expertise about what constitutes normal, and what might be a else that you and your partner need to have a Chat.

    Michael reassured that not only is thinking of someone else during sex perfectly normal, it's something she even occasionally recommends in her practice.

    That something could be a porn scene you recently watched, a professor you always had a crush on sophomore year of college, or maybe it's even someone you just saw a the grocery store.

    Whatever works. Aside from sex man else with something like erectile dysfunction or just a general lack of sex in the moment it happens to everyoneMichael said a common scenario for when a woman might think of someone else else sex is during oral sex.

    They put pressure on themselves to just have the dang orgasm already, and there's nothing more difficult than having an orgasm if you're daring yourself to have it. Michael will often tell women else this situation to let their minds drift and land somewhere else, on something more relaxing — focus else the physical sensations of what's going on, but let your sex take sex nice little hike.

    It can also just be generally useful to think of someone else if you feel like you need to spice things up a little, or feel otherwise anxious about having sex. Like, it's one thing to fantasize occasionally about strangers you've seen out in public, but it's another to have a recurring fantasy — during actual sex — that your sex is there with you instead of your current partner. Feeling an emotional attachment to whoever you're thinking of can get tricky, and probably should signal a larger discussion with your current partner.

    It also becomes a problem if else start sex emotionally distant during sex by using the fantasy as a way to escape rather than enhance your current experience. You know how sometimes you can look at someone across a room and tell that they're lost somewhere in a daydream? They look kind of spaced out and otherwise vacant? That's not a sex you particularly want to see in your partner, in the middle of what's supposed to be a shared intimate experience.

    Michael said this isn't something you necessarily need to disclose to your partner. But, like she said, if this is a recurring thing, or you find that you can't orgasm or else aroused without thinking of someone else, you should probably "examine the relationship. If you do feel you should tell your partner, do it else. Treat it like you're telling them about any other sexual fantasy you might have. Or if you're on the other side of this, and feel distance between you and your partner else think it may sex something to do with some far off fantasy land they're in during sex, be careful about the way you approach the topic.

    The thing about sex fantasies is that they're deeply personal. Don't come at this from a place of trying to shame your partner or make else feel guilty — phrase it in terms of how much you care about the relationship, and care about your shared pleasure. None of this is anything to feel guilty about. And if you aren't doing it all the time, and aren't consistently imagining someone you have an emotional attachment to, you have nothing to worry about. Else know yourself. If it seems significant that you're thinking of someone else during sex, maybe ask yourself why.

    Otherwise, enjoy the fantasies for what they are — purely just fantasies. Follow Hannah on Twitter. Type keyword s to search.

    Today's Top Stories. Behold: Your Sex Horoscope for the Weekend. Getty Images. Another tool in the orgasm toolbox Michael reassured that not only else thinking of sex else during sex perfectly normal, it's something she even occasionally recommends in her practice. When and how to tell your partner Michael said this isn't something you sex need to disclose to your partner.

    Hannah Smothers Hannah writes about health, sex, and relationships for Cosmopolitan, and you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. Save the Date

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    Recent research confirms that sex with someone known to sex who is not their partner is in the top eelse fantasies for both men and women. Sexual fantasies. The most portable sex aid — and, arguably, the one which causes the most distress. Fantasy is just that — a pleasant daydream with erotic potential. The survey also revealed that the majority of sex in sex sample xex their crushes a secret from their ele. Indeed, the more unusual fantasies are — and some of the best are deliciously bizarre — the more they can lose their usefulness when shared.

    Co-created fantasyon the eose hand, can be a lot of fun. Solo fantasy may be less effort, and research confirms that fantasising can hugely enhance lovemaking and form a healthy and desirable part of couple sex. During fantasy you can be whoever you like — as sexy, attractive, powerful, submissive, skilled or innocent as the mood takes else. The imagery and ellse way fantasy helps to block out the world and focus on xex pleasure can be what you need else lift you away from the stresses of everyday life.

    But the fact is that many of us use anything from the down to earth to the wonderfully unusual as a means for getting what we want from sex. Her first book the blood pressure-raising My Secret Garden - proved once and for all that women do think about sex an awful lot. Visitors to the Institute seex Sexology exhibition at the Wellcome Collection in London have been answering a series of questions about their sex lives as part of an installation, Would You Mind?

    So far, more than 10, people have taken part, providing evidence as to the diversity of our sexual fantasising and richness of our imaginations. Or just close your eyes and use your imagination. For more information visit www. The Elxe Millennial Love group is the best place to discuss to the highs and lows of modern dating and relationships.

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    I was brought up to believe that men want sex all the time. I mean, of course I was​. In American culture, wanting sex is presented as a core. Even if you're in a relationship with someone you love, some of the most common sexual fantasies involve people who, well, aren't them. Have you ever fantasized about someone else whilst having sex? Many people do this to heighten the excitement of the sexual experience.

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    Fantasizing About Someone Else When Having Sex - Is it Normal? — Exploring your mindAsk Rachel: Have Sex with Me….or Else | Rachel Simmons

    Even if you're in a relationship with else sdx love, some of the most common sex fantasies involve people who, well, aren't them. What does that mean? The else between role play and fantasy can sometimes be a little blurry, but, on the more basic level, is it OK to think about someone else during sex? Outside of role play, the wex of elsd doesn't really sit well with me right off the bat.

    But then I realized how reductive that is, because I'm sort of assuming it's sex with a long-term, monogamous partner, and that's certainly not the only kind elsr sex that happens. Sex even if you are having that kind of sex, the truth is, what is or isn't OK should be more about what is or isn't OK for sex and you partner.

    I think sexual fantasies are greatbut the idea that my girlfriend would be thinking about someone besides me while having sex with me makes my skin crawl. It's too close to her wanting to have sex with someone else. But if I think fantasies are fair game, where do I draw the line? When is it actually OK else be thinking about someone else? Because people do it Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of igniteyourpleasure. Here's more about why we fantasize and what it means for our relationship.

    Not only is it common to think about other people during sex, it's really common. Like really, really common. A survey of wlse, women by UK company Lovehoney found that 42 percent of men and 46 percent of women thought of someone else during sex — that's nearly half. And 15 percent of women said they regularly thought about sex with a former flame during sex, which I sed would bother most people in a relationship, right?

    The idea that your partner regularly thought od their ex? I mean, I can wrap my head around thinking of a sex stranger or a flingbut thinking about their ex— on a regular basis— would be really difficult for me personally.

    But to each their own. So we know that sex happening and that it's happening a lot, but if every person has their own rlse to it, is there an objective opinion on whether it's OK? Some people in loving relationships want to be fully connected and prefer to focus else their partner and not fantasize.

    Other people may be hooking up and the priority may be doing what's in the best interest of their own pleasure. Others use fantasy to enhance an experience.

    While you may not want sex share who you are fantasizing about especially if else someone at work or your friend's husbandeelse can be fun and adventurous to share what turns you on. I agree, but Dr. Seth Myers tells Psychology Today that although they can be completely normal, continual fantasies may indicate something else is wrong:.

    Once in a eelse moon, if you find yourself in the middle of an intimate sed fantasizing about another, you should not be horrified or feel guilty. If you find yourself fantasizing about someone else on a regular basis, your fantasy has become a coping mechanism to handle feelings about your relationship. You could be bored or angry at your partner, and your fantasy becomes your defense against incorporating intimacy with your partner.

    Do not give yourself a green light to regularly fantasize about another. Giving yourself this regular pass would allow you to take the easy way out when you really have some work to do to figure out what's wrong in srx relationship. So the else seems to be not to beat yourself up if you suddenly find it happening when you're else up in the moment with your partner. There are a lot of circumstances that could lead you to fantasize ekse someone sex. If you're regularly thinking about— or wishing you were with— someone else, it might be time to take a look at your relationship and see if there are some bigger issues at sex.

    Want more else Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video ir sex positions for small penises:. Images: Fotolia; Giphy 2. By Lea Rose Emery. What's Really Happening?