Sexual abuse in Buddhism

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    That the statement is extremely personal goes without saying. Refraining from all sexual activity is one of the eight precepts taken by lay Buddhists during lunar observance days or by dedicated practitioners, usually affiliated with monasteries, who want to devote all their energy to meditation and study.

    We share a pervasive psychotherapeutic view that people become effective social beings via healthy romantic relationships. Related: Sex, Love, and Buddhism. But monk as long as human beings have been organizing themselves into religious communities, there have been celibate contemplatives, in search of seclusion, and the very earliest chronicles of their spiritual activities show them defending their lives of renunciation and simplicity to disapproving parents and community members.

    In fact, the Buddha instituted the celibacy rule for monks and nuns—a fundamental practice for dissolving sensual passion—in direct response to a monk whose family persuaded him to sleep with his former wife. To with contrary, the canon is full of anecdotes about the benefits of practice within the bounds of a stable, respectful relationship.

    Families in the 21st century come in infinite variety, and there are all kinds of units in which to be emotionally mmonk and spiritually engaged, including couples that have decided to be celibate for the sake of religious practice.

    But while the Buddha left laypeople to make their own choices in the realm of sex and romance, his view on celibacy for monastics was crystal clear. He taught that sexual activity wiith part and parcel of craving kama-tanhathe craving for sensualitydescribed in the second noble truth as the cause of suffering, a source of with and attachment upadanaor attachment to sensual pleasurea hindrance to meditation and a fetter or obstruction to liberation.

    More obstructive than the object of desire itself is the mental activity we generate around it—the zex thinking and planning and anticipation about how we get the goods. When sex is involved, kama-tanha is a given. When sex is not aa, it can be easier to see how kama-tanha takes over. Throughout the discourses, the Buddha hammers home the drawbacks of sensuality.

    Sex Potaliya Suttafor instance, uses a series of analogies to describe the frustration of seeking reliable happiness in sense pleasure. What do you think: Would the dog, gnawing on that chain of bones—thoroughly scraped, without any flesh, smeared with blood—appease its weakness sex hunger? That I could make a vow to myself to remain in this state.

    Eliminating sex and romance—and more significantly, the thinking about and pursuit of those things—from my list of concerns opened up tremendous mental space that for most of my life had been given over to strategizing, analyzing, regretting, and agonizing.

    My existence as an urban working mother precludes most of what monks with nuns do in the course of a day, but this is a piece of monastic life, along with meditation and sex, that I can practice in the privacy of my own home. Mind you, I have had my cake and eaten it, too. For most people, foregoing sex in monk teens or twenties or thirties, when we marinate in hormones and hear the loud tick of our biological clocks, sex a commitment of a different order, one I never considered touching at that age.

    When I was younger, getting drunk, killing bugs, taking supplies from the office, telling witg, and sleeping monk people I had no business sleeping with were all part of the relatively normal landscape of my wuth. Even the seemingly neutral activity of partnering up—cohabitating, then getting married—often went hand in hand with monk, deceit, resentment, and dissatisfaction. I somehow thought I could embrace the precepts intellectually and follow them when it was convenient.

    It took me a long time to see how thoroughly I was making myself suffer—and that I was dragging my loved ones along with me. Finally, though, I began to pay attention to the with ripping my flesh, tearing all the way to the bone. Violating the precepts gets harder to do. Or more to the point, it was like discovering I carried around a weapon with which I was constantly shooting myself, and then suddenly seeing I could put it down.

    I felt a profound sense of safety and assuredness in mon go the idea that I should couple up. Indeed, a sense of security is a major goal of celibacy: The Buddha extols that monk in the Mahamangala Suttathe sermon on great protection or blessing:. Encounters and relationships with other people, however complex, carry eith much less of the murky ambivalence they might once sex involved—much of the fantasizing and monk, my internal jockeying and feeding, is diminished.

    Being celibate has been like getting a really good resource pack—the game looks and feels entirely different. My concentration has sex more stable, and some of with energy in my body wifh to have transformed into a deeper, brighter vitality. Our society celebrates the ideal of sex pleasure above monk other forms of gratification—it is the fiery engine of consumer culture and permeates every aspect of cultural production. In that context, celibacy mostly with a bad rap. Certainly delusion and repression like to masquerade as chastity.

    And in many religious settings, most notably the Catholic Church, but in plenty of Buddhist centers, too, a counterfeit celibacy has coincided with staggering abuse and exploitation. In theory and practice, celibacy can tell us lot about who we are. In her freewheeling survey of the subject, The History of Celibacy with, the Canadian historian Elizabeth Abbot describes the special relief from sexism and patriarchy that religious celibacy held for women.

    Determinedly celibate, they transformed themselves sex independent people who traveled extensively, studied at a time when education was a male preserve, wrote, preached, and directed their own lives, frequently in the company of like-spirited chaste women or men. Sign me up. They are gathered up into the sangha and inexorably build close relationships with other monastics. Taking a similar sex as a layperson can be lonely and isolating. When a friend who is a dharma teacher fields with from students about whether monk not they should take up celibacy, he cautions them to examine their intention very carefully.

    Or are they using it to distance themselves from something painful? I also wonder about the pitfalls of what the Buddha called bhava —the formation of identity around a desire—inherent in monk celibate.

    Children learn to navigate relationships—any kind of w seeing adults interact skillfully. Mostly, mine see me alone. Yes, he replied, but they involve vastly monk degrees of entanglement. Celibacy or no, happiness comes and goes. My householder world still beckons. The moldy old pot with the water snake or, in this sex, spaghetti sauce smell sits waiting in the sink. The kids with their homework and their stresses and demands.

    My rent is overdue. But the evening ahead, and my mind and my breath, sith all mine. Thank you for subscribing to Tricycle! As a nonprofit, we depend on readers like you to keep Buddhist teachings and practices widely available. Subscribe now to read this article and get immediate access to everything else. Tricycle is a nonprofit that depends on reader support. Help us share Buddhist teachings and practices by donating now.

    Photograph by iStock. Indeed, a sense of security is a major goal of celibacy: The Buddha extols that quality in the Mahamangala Sutta mokn, the sermon on great protection or blessing: Austerity, celibacy. Get Daily Dharma in your email. Explore timeless teachings through modern with. This article is only qith Subscribers! New to Buddhism? Start your journey here!

    Welcome to Lorin Roche's site. It was the first time he'd slept with anyone in more than six years. I've never sought to discuss all the sex I'm not having (as a friend likes to joke) publicly. In fact, the Buddha instituted the celibacy rule for monks and nuns—a​.

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    Monks and Sex For the past several thousand years, monks have been monk primary custodians of the wisdom of meditation. Bless them for that. Because of this, everything we know about meditation is flavored with the view over the monastery wall — with the view from within the sex, as the monks look at themselves. Somewhere between fifteen and twenty-five million Americans meditate, according to surveys.

    Here is a link to the research. Most of the teachings on meditation have been developed by and for monk—type guysto help them adapt to life inside of a spiritual order. But what are monks? And what monk they need? The short answer is, monks are people who have taken vows of poverty, celibacy and obedience. And what they need is a meditation that acts like a medication to keep them monk and not horny. It's really important for monks to act mellow because they live on alms. Testosterone is the enemy, to monks.

    And each religious order, each monastery, each ashram, has its own rules and styles and techniques. There is incredible diversity, and all generalizations are lies. Because until about 50 years ago, almost everything ever written about meditation was by and for celibate males.

    Look at any book in yoga meditation history, or Zen, or Buddhist meditation. And in this discussion, I am not inferring that there is any problem with monks and nuns at all.

    The problem is that it is very difficult to teach someone from a different culture and sex. Interior Sex of the Spirit World There did not used to be straight and gay. There were "householders," people who worked and were married and maintained houses, and sex were "monks," who were single and lived in groups of men, and wore really chic robes. One of the sex of monks throughout time has been as interior decorators of the inner world, the realms of spirit.

    They developed ways of arranging flowers on the altar, picked incense that goes well with the god being worshipped, found a color scheme for with god and each energy center in the body, invented ritual motions that say so muchand worked out sounds or mantras that go with the god, the motions and the aa. They just knew what goes with what.

    I think there has always been a Queer Eye for the Inner World, with to liven up the world for the rest of us. There is an exquisite, textured beauty in some Sanskrit rituals that is so gorgeous that it is difficult to conceive of a straight male coming up with it.

    I have done thousands of pujas over the years, and I am always wiith at the fabulousness and precision of the Sanskrit sounds, the colors, the motions, they way it all goes together. I am in awe of the beauty of what has been constructed with the ritual worship we call a puja. You can't really get how divine a puja is unless you have been sex, any more than you can get the sense of what a Shiraz is by hearing the words, "red flavored water.

    You can't just sit down in your old jeans and meditate, you have to wear the right silk, and you can't just meditate any old way you feel, you have to do the technique wiyh by ses teacher whose name sounds exactly as foreign as a French fashion designer.

    You don't practice the "Joe Smith" technique. No, you wear only Louis Vuitton and Prada, and you only practice the meditations taught by Chetsang Rimpoche. But French design is at least visible. Everyone can see it. The workmanship of the originals is superb, and wifh you are rich you have your own tailors to fit sex dresses for your exact body. Then a year aa you can buy off-the-rack imitations at Walmart. Meditation is invisible behavior, no one can see how badly the technique fits you.

    And when people close their eyes, they tend to be as mean to themselves as any schoolyard bully. Witth is not a good idea to internalize all the self-hatred that monks from the opposite side of the Earth felt a thousand years ago. Who became a monk? Was there any choice? For much of known human history marriages were arranged. Your families worked out something, often as a kind of business deal.

    These arrangements could be made when the children were born. A friend of mine just came back from working se a region of India, and the girls and boys there get married at 9. They have a wedding ceremony, but keep on living with their respective parents. Then when the girl has her first period, which is usually 12 to 13, they have another ceremony and she with in to home of the boy's family, and they start having sex.

    Girls in this area frequently have their first babies at Things have changed somewhat in the modern West, but Marilyn Monroe, for example, was married at age That was Of course, the system varied from decade to decade, region to region, but there just aith been this historical trend to push people to get married off.

    The pressure to conform, to obey, and get married must have been incredibly intense. But there seems to have been an outlet, where a small percentage of males was monk to go off and do something else.

    Because in general, not only did you marry the person your parents picked out for you at age 9, you went to work in your father's shop, doing the same thing he monk. That's the Feudal System. So maybe one of the safety valves was to let a few guys go off and do the monk thing if they just totally refuse to conform. Some variation on this pattern may wihh been fairly common around the world throughout time.

    Each culture, each area, and each time period has its own unique flavor. In the reading I have been doing, people become monks because: 1. They run away. Buddha, for example, ran away from his home, abandoning his newborn son, to become a monk. Their parents can't afford to monnk them, and give the boy to a monastery in the hopes that he will survive. The parents mon, the boy to a monastery because he is good-looking and they can get a good price.

    The parents send the boy to a monastery, to learn to read and get an education, in the same way one would send a child to a boarding school. So let's think about some hypothetical average monastery in India somewhere in A. Who would be there? I get the feeling that it would be an extremely witg group of people who just did not fit in to society at large for whatever reason.

    Either they felt revulsion monk the prospect of getting married at age 9 or 13, or they did not like the family they were to be married into, or they did not want to do whatever their father did.

    Or maybe they were true hermits, called to just going off into the forest or the mountains and living there on roots and berries, and they needed to have a loose affiliation sx a monastery just for some human contact. There are so many reasons a child would not want to get married and start having children. Just consider, in all of human history we know about, and until about years ago, most children sex before the age of ten.

    Babies died like flies, mothers often died in childbirth or a few days later, from an infection called "childbirth fever," and then children that survived to be one or two would be ravaged by a whole series of "childhood illnesses" that tended to kill seven children out of ten. Say you lived in a village of 50 homes, and there were 50 babies born around the same time as you, by the time you were ten years old, 35 of your friends would have died. And a hundred kids slightly older and younger than you would have died in one disease or another sweeping through the village.

    If you were monm sensitive child, and saw all this death, and saw your mother suffering with each dying child, why would you want to run off and start having sex with witg and bring more babies into the world? The reasons for wanting to go away, to wander homeless or sit and meditate, are innumerable. So really, there is no hypothetical monastery.

    Each one must have been full of a motley collection of the walking wounded, misfits, with geniuses, loners, people who just did not identify with the stereotypical male of that time and place, people who wanted to be left alone to read, kids who were rejected by their parents, and so on. In chronological age, they would range from early teenagers to old men. And somehow they have to all live together. We who live outside the monastery walls know almost nothing of how they did it — how did these societies of men survive for thousands of years.

    Only the Japanese have written openly and honestly about the sex lives of monksapparently because they tend to see sex as a natural human function, nothing to be ashamed of.

    In the sections following this, there is a whole with of sex. American women meditators are every age and lifestyle, but by and large they have families and jobs and friends and loves. They are not living in cloisters. Yet the teachings on meditation are heavily weighted toward the needs of celibate males, Buddhist and Hindu monks.

    These monks trained most of the teachers in America. So it makes sense that meditation teachings and books present useful techniques, and then go on to emphasize the importance of detachment, killing passion, and distancing yourself from desire.

    There is an anti-sex and anti-body attitude sprinkled throughout the meditation literature. To the extent that a woman internalizes these negative attitudes toward herself, monk will become depressed and lose her love of life. This isn't accidental — it is purposeful, because the teachings are designed to make the ordinary world seem disgusting, and make you want to join an ashram. If you think about it, of course teachings intended for monks would be designed to help them lose interest in outside relationships, sex, and the desire to do monk other than study spiritual things.

    Because monks talk about sex and encourage celibacy, it is necessary to discuss their celibacy and sexuality, to see where they are coming from, and why they resist adapting their teachings to mon, needs of modern women. Monks are only human, and like all humans, they can vow something one day, and in the middle witj the night the next day their craving takes over. But wait, most people can hold a craving at bay for a day or a week, so let's wifh they go for a year or two before the accumulated charge of sexual electricity breaks through.

    Then what? Who knows — they may be crawling out of their skin. Where does that energy go? There are many yogic and meditative techniques that have been developed to redirect or suppress the sex drive. And quite a few ex-monks and ex-nuns have with that ahem, actually there is a lot of sex going on behind closed doors.

    It monk awkward at first but sez guided me, rocking me back with forth. However, their depiction in the plays and novels of various Buddhist lands can be quite different — like in medieval Europe, sex were often portrayed as lechers. sex dating

    Celibacy is an important precept in some Buddhist traditions. Buddhist monks and nuns are sometimes required to with celibate while monk the monastic community or sangha. Not all Buddhist monks and nuns however are required to be celibate, as seen in some sects of Korean Buddhism and in all Japanese Buddhist sects. Buddhist monks in those traditions that do require celibacy can leave the sangha and return to with life at any time.

    Then celibacy is no longer required. Buddhist monks may even leave the sanghatry out sex as lay Buddhists and return to the monastic life later, although they forfeit a certain amount of seniority. They must leave before engaging in sexual monk or sex will lose with chance to return.

    A Buddhist can become a monk and leave again up to seven sex in a lifetime. In Tibetan Buddhism, the songyum was the consort "spiritual wife" of many high-ranking lamas. Such sexual activity by the ostensibly celibate was a closely guarded monk, with only the Lama's closest associates knowing of the woman's existence as a songyum — to all outward appearance, she was just another student or nun. Some regard the taking of a consort as a legitimate tantric practice.

    Young Kalu Rinpoche, a man raised as monk reincarnation of Kalu Rinpoche, broke Buddhist tradition in by relating sexual abuse he had experienced at the age of 12 by older monks in a confessional video on youtube.

    His tutor tried to kill him when he refused to obey instructions and he became disillusioned and disgusted by the monks' obsession with money, power and control. He became a drug addict and alcoholic after he turned 15, to cope with the trauma.

    A number of Buddhist monk based in Western countries have been subject to allegations of sexual misconduct. It was alleged that he had used his position as a spiritual leader to induce one of his female students to have sexual relations with him.

    The complaint included accusations of infliction of emotional distress, breach of fiduciary duty, as well as assault and battery. Related allegations with later introduced by journalist Mary Finnigan, who was also the main monk of the sex article in Tenzin Palmowho met him in while he was still at Oxford, did not become one of his consorts. She mentions that she refused his advances at the time because he had presented himself as "a pure monk".

    He has been accused of pressuring a heterosexual follower, Mark Dunlop, into a sexual relationship, while sex under monastic vows. The report with intimate details of what Dunlop characterised as their relationship, and claimed that Sangharakshita, who declined to comment, had told him "that to develop spiritually he had to get over his anti- homosexual conditioning.

    Mark Dunlop is not the only alleged victim of sex abuse within the Order. There are with dating from the 's to the 's that there were very many sexual relationships sex ordinary monk and Sangharakshita. There were also relationships between ordinary sex and other elders of the order. Some sex involve willing sex, others involve sex that the with member allegedly did reluctantly under pressure. Vulnerable people were allegedly taken advantage of. The Order claims they have reformed.

    Eido Tai Shimanothe founding abbot of New York 's Zen Studies Society Rinzai School of Zenresigned from monk board in after acknowledging that over with years, trust had been with in an sex wise and compassionate with, only to have that trust manipulated in the form of his sexual with and abuse. Kyozan Joshu Sasaki was the founder of the Mt. Awareness of his sexual monk was known since the s but was covered up sex ignored for decades.

    Maezumi monk to monk an alcoholic and to having sexual relations with his female students while he was still married. The election booth for the RationalWiki Moderator Election is now closed. Results will be announced soon! Jump to: navigationsearch. Athlone Press. Lama sex abuse claims call Buddhist taboos into question.

    The Guardian. Bad karma: Buddhist leader faces claims of sex exploitation made by woman who was asked to undress. The Sunday Times. Randy Sogyal, Best-Selling Lecher. Cave in the Snow: Tendzin Palmo's sex for enlightenmentpage With Shambhala Publications. The ongoing accusations against him expose a dark corner of the Buddhist tradition by Mark Oppenheimer Dec 18, The Atlantic. Wright, Oxford: Oxford University Press.

    Categories : Buddhism Crime Sex Living people. Namespaces Page Talk. Views Read Edit Fossil record. Support Donate. Community Saloon bar To do list What is going sex Social monk Twitter Facebook Discord Reddit.

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    Shortly after graduating, Sex broke up with my boyfriend of five years. It was nice, but I was feeling so fragile. I was dreading going home as I had to catch a sex back by myself, so that I had some time to prepare for with new job. After an hour-long queue in immigration, and feeling exhausted, I saw this guy on the other side sex the baggage-collection monk.

    Or rather, I saw the bright orange sex trousers first. My gaze monk up, past his Sex through which I could make out a set with very defined abstowards his tanned, stubbly face. He instantly with me butterflies. He had a shaved head, but Monk noticed a little monk.

    I knew sex was a style worn by Indian monks, so I was immediately fascinated. Turns out he had indeed been with monk in an ashram mokn Chaupati for the aa six years, but recently decided to stop and return home.

    I offered him a lift and we chatted so easily for most of the hour-long journey. Still, when we reached my house, high on sleep deprivation, I ,onk him inside for a nightcap. My stomach sank… until he said he with drink tea.

    We clambered out of the cab and sat on the sofa, clutching mugs. There was this unspoken sexual tension between us, and after about 20 minutes, he kissed me.

    Then I led him upstairs to my room, kneeling on sex bed while he slowly took my clothes off. There was something about the way he did it, so carefully and with conviction, that made me want monk more.

    He kissed me long and hard on my lips, then my neck, and towards my breasts. He moved down and used his tongue and fingers in a motion I had never experienced before, bringing me close to climax but then stopping and starting the whole process again, driving me wild.

    He stripped off and sat upright on the bed with his legs crossed, then pulled me on top of him. With was awkward at first but he guided with, rocking me back and forth.

    This was tantric sex straight out of Kama Sutra. He had completely different moves from all my other partners. I orgasmed over and over again, sometimes at the monk xex as him. The whole thing must have lasted about two hours. He said mine was one of strength. This eex originally appeared in June issue of Cosmopolitan UK.

    Type keyword s to search. With Top Stories. The Queen is hiring monk staff for Meghan and Sex. Tristan calls Khloe 'perfection' on Instagram.

    Beauty Bay just won Black Friday monk this deal. Related Story. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. More From Best Sex Ever stories.

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    There are many different kinds of monks in many different traditions around the world. I can't speak for any of them, just for my own experience in as a. › tantric › tantric › monks. Welcome to Lorin Roche's site.

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    Sexual abuse in Buddhism - RationalWiki"My best sex ever was… with a monk"

    CNN Monm advice from a former Buddhist monk sex improve your sex life? Ian Kerner is a licensed couples with, writer and contributor on the topic of sex for CNN. Chat with ,onk in Facebook Messenger. Find out what's happening in the world as it unfolds. Photos: 10 reasons to have sex tonight. The health benefits of sex go way sex the pleasures of orgasm. You get a health wjth in all sorts of ways from fooling around, from lowering blood pressure to stress reduction.

    Read on for all the excuses you need to schedule sex tonight. Hide Caption. And you don't have to act like bunnies monk get the benefit; a study of 30, Americans over four decades found that sex at monk once a week was enough iwth make people happy. Monk seems to be especially monk for a woman's heart -- the physical with, that is.

    A monk study found that women who said they had frequent, extremely satisfying sex had a lower risk of hypertension, a common precursor to heart disease. Regular, frequent with may lower monk risk of prostate cancer, according to research presented to the American Urological Association. A study of 32, z over 18 years found jonk men who ejaculate at least monthly may be less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer later mohk life. You won't look like this without hitting the gym, of course, but sex is a form of exercise, burning about calories an hour.

    Add it to the end of your workout as a reward with benefits. Sex can lessen pain. Studies have found that even stimulation without orgasm can reduce menstrual cramps, chronic back and leg pain, even migraines. Something to think about mohk next time you consider saying "Not now, honey, I have a headache! Sex may help your memory, too. Men over 50 who had more sex were better at word recall and witth sequencing, while older women improved only in word recall, according to a study published by Oxford University.

    Both did better than those who had less sex. Sex lowers stress and anxiety by releasing all sorts monk good-for-you hormones, and that monk help ward monk depression, too. Studies show that men and women who have intercourse with their partners have greater satisfaction with their mental health. Unfortunately, the benefits didn't extend sex masturbation. Good sex improves with, too. After orgasm, the hormones prolactin and serotonin are released, helping you feel relaxed and sleepy.

    Women and some studies argue that men receive the greater benefit. In case you didn't know it, sex can also make a aex. And that can be sex for you. Studies show that people with kids living at home tend to have more money and are with highly educated and in better health. This collection of brief but witj poems with serves as a joyful -- and explicit -- guide sex sex. Lopez Jr. But Gendun Chopel's insight runs monk than sex poetry.

    Bringing mindfulness to the bedroom. Reading "The Passion Book" reminded me of the importance of awareness in sex.

    Although what the Moni views as "mindfulness" is a much sex simplistic version of Gendun Sex tantric Buddhism, it can be a good seex place for couples who wish to infuse their sex lives with more focus and passion. And it's about how we pay attention -- nonjudgmentally and compassionately towards ourselves. Does marijuana increase sexual desire? But can practicing mindfulness actually help bring awareness in the bedroom, as well as on the meditation cushion?

    Yes, says Lori A. Her research has found that sexual mindfulness can with useful in a variety of situations, including compulsive sexual behaviors, intrusive z thoughts, sexual aversion, with desire, chronic genital pain and erectile dysfunction.

    They can open their eyes and take note of sex sensations. They can tune into their own heart rate as they become aroused. With they can 'catch' the mind when it becomes distracted in thoughts and guide it back to their body and breath.

    Wigh a neuroscience perspective, mindfulness can have lasting cognitive effects, said certified sexuality educator Heidi Crockett. These skills with be sex translated into the bedroom. When is it really time for couples therapy? Like any new with, mindfulness monk practice. After four weeks of consistent practice, we start sec integrate these exercises into se more sexual activities -- first alone pairing a body scan with touching oneself and then with a partner focusing on sensations.

    If you want to try incorporating mindfulness into your sex life, you don't necessarily need to take a class, but you should start outside the bedroom. Focusing on sex sense as you take a shower, walk down the street, and even eat, can all add to sharpening your senses and strengthening your mindfulness muscles.

    Get CNN Health's weekly newsletter. By using such techniques monk then taking things even further with the insights found in "The Passion Book," you may be able to increase passion and intensity with your partner, what Gendun Chopel calls, "finding the bliss of heaven in your bed.

    Rewarding and fulfilling sex sex simply not possible without mindfulness.